Religion – Crunchy Becky

Invasive Roots

I like to grow veggies. I find it so rewarding, being able to go out into my garden after months of planting, weeding, watering, and consistent care to find miraculous, colorful fruits and veggies ready to pick and eat. Since moving to my current house a few years ago, I’ve had so many frustrating problems keeping my veggies from growing. If it’s not the hoards of pill bugs eating all of my little seedlings before they have a chance to grow, it’s invasive roots depleting the loads of soil I’ve invested in along with the compost I’ve made, so that my plants just look anemic and don’t produce much of anything. Then, in the rare occurrence they do produce, squirrels and raccoons swing on by and eat every single tomato that actually ripened on the vine.

After moving my little 4×4 raised bed across the yard and putting down barrier cloth at the base, I thought I had resolved the invasive root problem. But after 2 years, I discovered the roots had taken over again. As I spent my Saturday afternoon moving all of the soil onto a tarp, and working through all of the clumps to remove the roots, I thought about how it parallels what is happening in our world right now.

Not long ago, I read No Nonsense Spirituality by Brittney Hartley. In her book, she shares her journey of being brought up in a fundamentalist religion to losing her faith while studying for a degree in theology. She writes about her existential crisis, having lost her bearings on whether anything had any meaning. At one point during this low period, she was building a sandcastle on the beach with her young son and realized that even though it wasn’t going to last, there was significance and meaning to that moment. She began to rebuild from there, creating spiritual practices around things she found meaningful, useful, beautiful, and helpful.

After reading about the many different ways we can build meaningful rituals and practices in our own lives that are no longer tied to organized religions that so often harm the most vulnerable, I started thinking about gardening as a spiritual practice. I broke it down into different practices. Watering as a spiritual practice; I enjoy the morning sun or the evening breeze as I water. I take the time to check in on what I’ve planted, admire the growth, talk to neighbors as they walk by, or look up at the sky and enjoy the time outside. Weeding as a spiritual practice; there is always something to improve, something that needs to be removed, things need to be tended to and maintained. If left to themselves, the weeds will get bigger and harder to pull. They’ll take over the plot where I want the salvia, euphorbia, daisies, and geranium to grow. Tilling the soil as spiritual practice; it’s not as easy as just plopping a seedling or some seeds in the ground. The soil around my house is clay. If it hasn’t had water or rain in a while, it’s rock hard. I broke two shovels trying to dig the front corner African violets out. I finally got a steel handled shovel which was up to the task. Sometimes, to do the work, we need better tools, and a friendly neighbor willing to come help.

As I sifted through the soil from my raised bed to remove the many invasive roots that had taken over, I thought about the invasive roots of disinformation that have grown throughout our communication channels. When I was a kid, I remember watching the nightly news with my dad. Every night at the same time, we had a choice of a few different news anchors who provided us with the news of our nation. Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, Ted Copple, or Sam Donaldson. I grew up in a white, Christian, conservative, Republican household. It never occurred to me that those were all white men or that the people providing the news had an agenda that may have skewed the way they reported the news. It felt like we were all on the same page, because the only voices I was exposed to throughout my youth were at home, church, and in my Christian school.

In college, during summer and winter breaks, I worked for a printer who loved to listen to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity every day from nine to noon. When those shows ended, we had lunch break, then much of the rest of the afternoon was filled with my employer’s hot takes on whatever the political or religious topic was for the day. He was one of my parent’s best friends and even more fundamentalist than my family. He printed brochures for anti-abortionists and purity culture which were often the topics of my daily lectures.

Throughout college, and into my young adult years, I was still in the Evangelical bubble. It felt very “us” against those “liberals and feminazis”. It wasn’t until my very traditional marriage really started falling apart and trying to be the perfect wife in a patriarchal family just was not working that I discovered Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique and any other liberal, feminist ideas. It wasn’t until my own young children didn’t present in the typical way boys are “supposed” to be boys that I read my first book by a progressive Christian. In Speaking My Mind, Tony Campolo actually questioned things like Christians being anti-feminist, affluence (is it actually ethical to hold onto billions of dollars while millions starve), and shunning the queer community.

Charlie Kirk was assassinated a couple days ago. Immediately and without any evidence, people on the right, including my friends on Facebook, politicians, and the president, blamed people on the left. A couple days later they caught the killer who turned out to be another white dude, raised in a religious, law enforcement, gun-loving family who was even more radically right than his victim. But the invasive roots of identity politics have so thoroughly taken over that the vitriol leveled at “the radical left” when the killer’s identity was unknown shifted to “we’ll pray for the salvation of this lost soul” when it turned out to be a right-wing white dude instead of a radical leftist like they assumed.

They can’t see their own hate. I couldn’t when I was in that cult. It gets whitewashed as God’s truth. “God hates divorce.” “It’s an abomination for a man to lie with a man.” “Wives obey your husbands.” “Women should be silent in church.” It doesn’t make sense to quote things written to an ancient society as law for today.

Housing is unaffordable, and now the talking head on Fox & Friends says, “we should just kill them” of the homeless people. There is no uproar about this. The invasive roots have taken over and strangled out any decency, any good fruit that might come from those who claim to follow Jesus who said so often to care for the poor, for the “least of these”, for the immigrant. The invasive roots of Christian Nationalism have completely overtaken the “Church” in America.

Jesus said “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Did Jesus mean, love other Christians? No, he explained that very clearly in the parable of the Good Samaritan who took care of his enemy (think Palestinian caring for an IDF soldier) while the religious leaders crossed to the other side of the road and shunned the dude needing help.

The people praising the legacy Charlie Kirk left behind have lost the plot if they claim to follow Jesus. Charlie Kirk caused incalculable harm to people in marginalized communities. He doxed professors he didn’t agree with. He spewed racist and misogynist ideology. He was hateful and caused many others to hate the LGBTQ+ community with his debates on so many campuses with high school and college students. He debated youth civilly, at times, because his agenda was to win them to his side. And he was very successful at it.

Maybe we’ve avoided a civil war for a few more weeks, now that we know the killer wasn’t on the left. But that’s like pulling out a couple weeds from a garden that has been completely overtaken by invasive roots from underneath. I don’t know how our nation comes back from here.

It is a tragedy that he was assassinated. No one deserves to die in this manner. This is awful.

Also, the things Charlie Kirk said and did were awful. He was a victim of his own ideology. He said “I think it’s worth it to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every year so that we can have the second amendment…” Of Joy Reid, Michelle Obama, Ketanji Brown Jackson, and Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, Kirk made the racist statement, “you do not have the brain processing power to otherwise be taken seriously” without affirmative action. “You had to steal a white person’s slot.”

And the invasive roots…it’s disinformation, it’s the billionaires’ money and power grab, it’s the politicians grasping onto power at the expense of doing what’s right. It’s the way we all consume our news from our own echo chamber algorithm instead of from the same, honest sources. We are being played by the ultra rich and powerful. All of us non-billionaires need to unite against this. Take a look at who is profiting from this division.

After the death of Charlie Kirk, I had a pit in my stomach feeling like this might be like the assassination of Ferdinand and Sophie that started WWI. The next day was 9/11 and it was wild to realize what a juxtaposition we are in as a nation from that sad day 24 years ago when it felt like all of us Americans were so united and supportive of each other. I also realize I’m looking at those two dates from very different lenses. I realize now as I didn’t then that many were fearful of what would happen to the Muslim community following those events. I’m not who I was then and I don’t see things the same. Do any of us? Let’s keep growing in knowledge and understanding.

I don’t believe in him anymore, but God help us. Maybe she will.

The Erasure of Women by Patriarchal Religion

Women Erased — Was Mary really the only woman there that night? Where are all the women? There was likely a midwife, or some woman from the village to help deliver the baby. Those three kings didn’t get there for many months after following the star, yet they’re commonly displayed in the scene. Why do we put up with women being erased from these stories? It seems unlikely that the innkeeper’s wife would have slammed the door shut on a teenage girl giving birth without calling for or providing some help.

From Certainty to Compassion: Leaving White Christian Nationalism

For years I’ve struggled with how to say this…and to my many conservative friends and family, please know this is difficult. I love you and don’t want to lose you. But I feel this is important to say.

As someone who had all the “disobedience” spanked out of me many times daily by the age of 3, who was educated in church and the Christian school system from kindergarten through college, and who became a Christian school teacher in a suburb of Houston, TX in my early twenties, I have perpetuated this harm.

I appeal to you as someone who has come to realize the harm of this system of theology, white supremacy, and patriarchy.

The idea that our neighbor includes the immigrant, described in the parable about the Good Samaritan is paramount to the teachings of Jesus. When asked what the most important commandment was, Jesus replied “Love the Lord your God with all your heart…and love your neighbor as yourself.”

“Who is my neighbor?” the dude asked. And Jesus told the parable of this guy from a different culture who got robbed and beaten, lying helpless on the side of the road. The person whom they agreed was a good neighbor, cleaned him up, carried him to safety, and paid for his medical care. “Go and do likewise” Jesus said.

I grew up in fundamentalist and Evangelical churches. I have a minor in Biblical Studies from Biola University. I have memorized large chunks of the Bible, entire chapters and books. I have read it cover to cover. The idea that our government should enforce the teachings of any religion, such as the White Christian Nationalist teachings, Seven Mountain Mandates, and the policies put forth in Project 2025, are in complete opposition to the teachings of Jesus Christ as taught in the Bible.

Jesus taught us to love our neighbor, including those different from us, including “the foreigner”, including those we disagree with.

He would never have lied to bolster a story harming immigrants in order to bring attention to a group disdained by those who fear becoming a minority. Think “immigrants eating the pets.”

What does it matter if white people become a minority in the U.S. in a few years? It matters because we know how awful minorities are often treated here. Please think about that for a moment. Why does it matter that some people feel the need to say “Black Lives Matter”? It matters because we have shown, in so many ways, that they don’t, such as the lynching picnics that took place after church in the south not long ago, and the way they are still treated by law enforcement and others routinely today.

This is disgusting. And it’s the “Maga” slogan to return to something so toxic again. Was America great when it was lynching our citizens? Under Jim Crow? When women couldn’t vote or get a credit card or divorce a man who beat her up nightly? America has yet to become greater. We have a lot of demons to contend with. I’m contending with my own.

In 2016, when 81% of Evangelical Christians voted for a known sexual predator and misogynist who constantly spews hate and division, I left the Republican party and became an independent. We all heard him say “you can grab ’em by the p**sy”. It’s difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that 8 years later, even more Evangelical Christians support a man who has since been convicted of 34 felony counts and required to pay millions in reparations for the rape and defamation of one woman in addition to dozens of other women coming forward to say he also sexually assaulted them. He has displayed no knowledge or attempt at following the teachings of Jesus. Yet he sells this book for his own gain, which marries church and state. This is something that was foundational to our founding fathers to separate.

In the You Have Permission podcast with Dan Koch, on the episode called Bible Truths, Sanctified Common Sense, & Evangelical Instatrust, Heather Griffin says:

“Evangelicals that are more formed by fundamentalism tend to have this hyper confidence about their minds. That somehow their minds are less deformed by sin than their feelings… So Jerermiah 17, with “the heart is deceitful above all things” is used to police people that are talking about their feelings. The anthropology used to be more unified, so a problem with your feelings was also a problem with your mind.

“People disagreeing with sanctified common sense, which is of course clearly aligned with the Bible facts, is evidence that they must be deceived by their feelings. Which you never have to listen to. Feelings will deceive you…But then also lets the people in power in communities baptize their own anxieties as discernment.”

I’ve been on the receiving end of someone very close to me baptizing their own anxieties as discernment, which felt a lot like hate and judgment for the very difficult choices I was making at the most vulnerable and painful time in my life. That person’s sanctified common sense, based on their own interpretation of some ancient writings destroyed our relationship.

In an article for Relevant Magazine, David Norling writes:

“…when affirmations and negations are valued over contemplation and learning through practice is a fear-based, certainty-seeking, defensive version of Christianity that grows up in the place of a living, covenantal trust. A faith based on certainty is not only oxymoronic but also leads to arrogance, especially from those who wield religious authority.”

I used to live very securely in this certainty. I knew what was right and what was wrong, not just for me, but for everyone around me. It was an arrogant, harmful way to exist in the world. It harmed me and those around me, those closest to me.

I no longer call myself a Christian and I don’t want to be associated with a group who is causing so much harm to those they disagree with. Dehumanizing people because they come from a different country, or have a different sexual orientation, or see the world differently is not okay.

Dehumanizing people is how Hitler got so many nice Christian people to go along with mass genocide. I visited the town of Dachau, where Germany’s first concentration camp was. It was a chilling realization that there were nice, white Christians living within a few yards of where so many men, women, and children were being slaughtered.

FACING HISTORY: A crowd of women, children, and soldiers of the German Wehrmacht give the Nazi salute on June 19, 1940. (AP photo)

Please vote, my friends. But think about where you would land on these issues if love, rather than power or assuaging your fears, was your top priority. Listen to the lived experience of the people you disagree with and explore the nuances rather than sticking to dogmatic talking points. Be curious as to why a large portion of people would come to such a drastically different view on any given issue than where you find yourself and explore other opinions and arguments.

Healing from Religious Trauma

I’ve spent the last couple years trying to resolve what has turned into chronic pain in my neck, shoulder, and lower back. First I was working with my chiropractor, but it kept getting worse. I couldn’t turn my head enough to check my blind spot when driving. I couldn’t stand for more than a couple minutes without my lower back seizing up. I started seeing a physical therapist weekly. After more than a year, he’s got me lifting weights regularly to strengthen my core and my back.

I got a new chiropractor who was much more helpful. The massage therapist couldn’t make a dent in all the knots between my shoulder blades, so I paused for a year on that until physical therapy relieved some of the tension. I get Acupunture once a month.

I saw the orthopedic specialist and got x-rays and CT scans in both my neck and lower back. This resulted in trying out various drugs like Lyrica, then a cortisone shot in my neck. This did very little to help.

I began working virtually with a somatic therapist who specializes in religious trauma to start working through the trauma that resulted from being brought up with Christian Fundamentalist parents and my subsequent marriage to an abusive partner. I also found a local somatic therapist who could do body work in person, as she could work more hands on with the energy that is stuck. As Bessel van der Kolk explains in his book – The Body Keeps the Score.

Both somatic therapists asked me what I do to release my anger. I felt my answers were inadequate. And so I looked for a better way. That’s when I took up Muay Thai.

For the past three weeks, I kick, punch, knee, elbow, and block my way through a one hour class with super friendly people. I leave utterly exhausted both mentally and physically and feeling so good about it. Jessica, my therapist, told me to note how my body feels when I’m punching and kicking. I feel like my kid self, defending my space in a crowded home of nine family members. I feel some release. But I feel like I’m only scratching the surface. I’m hoping this 48-year old body can hold out long enough to stay in this for a while because I’m really enjoying it. Even if I’m usually the oldest person there.

I left Muay Thai last night feeling pretty pumped. It wasn’t as exhausting as usual. I’m feeling more connections with the people I’m working with. It’s a good community, very friendly.

Marriage as I Experienced it

I just saw a picture of this sculpture by Beth Cavener and it hit.

This is marriage for the Evangelical woman, for the Fundamentalist woman, for those who buy into complementarian ideals.

This was marriage for me. I imagine it’s marriage for many women.

I photographed a wedding a while back. The bride and groom’s interactions reminded me of my wedding 20 years before. I tried to describe this to my assistant as we drove home. The way he leaned away when she tried to kiss him on their wedding day. The absolute poison of trying to meet the expectations of the parents, the patriarchy, the church, the “Bible clearly states” folks…

So much effort went into that laced veil of purity. It was the death of her.

Follow the Rules

“Why Can’t You be More Like Her?”

My friend’s parents said this to her, speaking of me and my sisters. If they only knew how many spanks it took to break my spirit and get me to comply before I even had words. That wickedness was beaten out of me—the defiance that James Dobson told my parents needed to be crushed. They believed I was born sinful, with a wicked heart. Anything but immediate obedience was punished, usually with a wooden spoon. This was followed by a hug which needed reciprocating, and a small speech about how it’s for my own good and she’s hurting me because she loves me. It turns out that breaking a child’s will at this stage is extremely damaging. I’m only just realizing the extent of this in my 40’s.

By the age of 4, I figured out the safest way to exist in my family was to comply. If I stepped out of line, I would be punished swiftly and harshly. It was not worth it. So for the next 30 years, I did my very best to follow the rules. All of the rules. I was told authority is put there by God. So all authority was to be obeyed, without question or hesitation, unless it was a direct contradiction to the Bible. Nevermind that the Bible contradicts itself. I didn’t question the fact that my parents’ love hurt so much, nor the idea that a loving, all-powerful God would send most of humanity to hell for an eternity of conscious torment. I was shut down inside, just trying to survive. Surviving with a smile, because any emotion other than joy, peace, and gratitude was really frowned upon.

But it turns out that those years I was getting spanked multiple times a day, between the ages of 1 and 4, are when some really important childhood development is supposed to take place. When I should have been developing a sense of my own autonomy, personal power, self-will, I was instead getting punished for disobeying. When I should have been learning how to develop friendships, compassion, self-acceptance, I was simply trying to follow the rules and keep from getting hurt.

Like my parents, I read Dr. Dobson’s Strong Willed Child when I became a mom. I started out raising my babies the same way. I have such deep regret about this.